humor – You Should Write a Book…

I should be writing

I enjoy writing. Whether for pleasure or work, I enjoy taking a blank page and putting words on it. There are few feelings of satisfaction for me compared to taking a blank page and forming structure from ideas.

I think the best way of improving any skill is by doing it. Reason would hold that to become a better writer, I should be writing more. Apart from this blog, I have business and technical writing at work, various personal projects and internet correspondence, and a handwritten journal I update occasionally.

Instead of writing, most days I end up:

Best option: Reading

If writing is the best way to become a better writer, reading is a close second. I read books, magazines, articles, anything about anything. I enjoy reading, and through reading learning about the world, imaging new worlds, and considering different perspectives. Even in the wildest fantasy fiction, we experience characters which present a different view of their world than what we would have. We are put in positions to build empathy and respect for characters, although fictional, which may affect how we empathize and respect those in the real world.

If I cannot write, I think I should read, and even some times I can write, I should still read instead.

Statistically probably option: Sleeping

Clocking in at six to eight hours of every 24 hour cycle, can’t rule out sleeping as something I should be doing instead of writing.

Sad but true option: Thinking of what to write

This is when I’m waylaid by my own jackassery. Maybe I need one of those writing prompt idea books. Ultimately, I think my goal in writing is to write the book I want to read. Right now, I can think of two non-fiction writing projects I could take on and a series of three to four fiction works. Why I haven’t so much committed an outline to paper is my own doing. Maybe this is the year I get motivated.

The I’m human too option: Maintaining basic hygiene

Everyone poops. Isn’t that a book?

The just like crack option: Consuming other media

Television. YouTube. Movies. Wacky internet videos. All of these things contribute to distract, calling out for precious neurons to interconnect and process, taking away from more productive tasks. As I sit here watching Rick and Morty I know my own focus is not where it should be, but hell, the point of this post is to get the juices flowing again.

Option gotta pay the bills: I’m working

Writing isn’t my day job. Truth be told, I’m not sure I’d ever want it to be my day job. I like having an office, working with other people on the type of things I work on. I’m not sure the idea of the lone writer, or even the collaborative writer meeting up in coffee shops is my cup of tea.

Nothing else to do? Write away

Which is where I am tonight, looking at a blog I started months ago which is woefully short of content. This is my jumping point to get back on the horse. Now when I’m doing those other things I am probably doing when I’m not writing, I hope to recall this post and remind myself I should be writing, then get to it.

Dear Fellow Spiritually Inert Atheists of The Internet (SIATI – pronounced “shxxxy”, as in “fellow shxxxy people”):

I have recently observed we have a lack of quick catch phrases to use on social media to denote care, concern, and empathy to others with minimal effort. We have need of language to denote a brief moment of loving thought, while seamlessly moving on to other matters of the world. To that end, let’s review existing norms to eliminate existing options, and start making suggestions on proper verbiage for fellow SIATIs.

Recent language I have seen which should be excluded:

“I’ll pray for you.” And derivatives. — obviously a no go.
“Sending positive vibes.” — Unless you have a gift order in to Adam & Eve for someone, how are you sending vibes? Weird, possibly creepy.
“Wishing you light.” — I can’t even decode what this means. Are we making a critical judgement about light? Is light better than darkness? What is the substantive nature of light that is good? Too confusing.
“Bless your heart.” — Used by passive aggressive Southerners to backstab unsuspecting Yankees for generations. Not a great option, but if you’re a Southern SIATI, may work.

Possible alternatives from cultural references:

“Live long and prosper” — I can’t say this to someone with a straight face.
“Be well.” — It’s a CVS/Walgreen/California thing. I’m not sure if this is a command or a blessing. Can be taken kind of rude, as in “go be well somewhere else”. That’s how I interpret it at Walgreens anyway.
“Good journey.” — I can’t remember where I heard this one. I think it was some shitty sci-fi flick from the 80s or 90s. IMDB is no help. If someone has a couple of hours to research this, whatevs.

My suggestions:

“I’ll keep you in my thoughts.” — and I’m gonna think reeeeaaaal hard about it.
“Hugs.” — who doesn’t like hugs? Awww. Well, except for creepy, unsolicited, too long hugs. Nobody likes those.
“Go forth and kick ass.” — I like this one. Why should the work of thinking and caring be all on me? Don’t these things usually come down to whoever needs support just going out and doing their thing anyway? I mean, I hope they rock at it, but there isn’t much I can do unless it involves actual help or resources. Maybe a little encouragement? I don’t know.

We need better marketing.

As SIATIs, we are centuries behind in the language of quickly expressing our thoughts and care to others. Help our cause and submit ideas for improved social media correspondence.

Author’s Note:

This is a work of obvious humor, and its intent is to reflect on the sometimes ludicrous twists of language some of us without a spiritual belief take when essentially saying “I like you, you got this, and I’m thinking of you at your time of need.” If you’re offended by it, you have my regrets, as I definitely do not write this to repudiate any of my friends or family who offer their prayers, wishes, or light in support of anyone, me included. If you ever have a post on social media, and I respond with something like “‘atta boy”, you can rest assured that the social media and marketing people for atheists are hard at work improving my language, and I am truly sending my sincere thoughts of concern, or ass kicking.

Sincerely, with all love,

Alex Cox

	The Turning of the Y… on Someday, I’ll Be A …
	The Daily Show agree… on The value of things…
	Stuart Danker on Writing emotionally, from the…
	Imbolc 2022 –… on Imbolc 2022 – Part …
	Imbolc 2022 –… on Imbolc 2022 – Part …

Tag: humor

Things I do when I should be writing.